Umm I'm too high to move.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
