I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Found the puke drawer
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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