Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
