i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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