Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He shit in the fireplace
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
