So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
