Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
