I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
