So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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