there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
