so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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