dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
two words: eviction party
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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