how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
