So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
