i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
