I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this just has baby written all over it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
