Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
