1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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