So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
