you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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