about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
