YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
