Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
