Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
