got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
