Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
