I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
