DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
