He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
