i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
