just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
