When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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