I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
