Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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