I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
