I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
