just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
