I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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