I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
