I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
