call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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