remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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