She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
