drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
whose parrot is this?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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