i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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