I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just blew my weed a kiss
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
