I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize