CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
