happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
