When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
