i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
