I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
