chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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