so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
