dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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