So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
