I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
