you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
