Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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