I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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