Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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