BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
