yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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