Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
