she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
