Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
