i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
