Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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