Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I forgot wine drunk hurts
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
