Where did you get a picture of my penis
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
