THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
