He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
