Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
